Spouse's Sexual Demands & Divorce Determination

After I turned down my husband’s sexual demands, he ignored me completely for a long time. I’ve been documenting my marriage on Note. I want to improve myself and stay positive, so I’ve written articles with those goals in mind. Still, there are times when it’s hard to keep myself together. That said, I’m patient to my core, so I know I won’t break easily. If there is one thing I trust about myself, it’s my resilience. In that regard alone, I can believe in myself. But right here, without polishing my words too much, I want to lay my heart bare. I am in my early 50s, and my children are already working. Back when they were in elementary school, I refused his sexual demands in the bedroom. He struck me hard across the face. The pain was agonizing, and I froze, terrified that I might lose my sight. His large hand had hit my eye. Right after that, he just drifted off to sleep, snoring away... He forgot all about it as if nothing had happened. About 15 years later, I refused his sexual demands again one night and confronted him directly, asking if he remembered what he had done that day. I was relentless that evening. It took a very long time—we went back and forth for at least thirty minutes. But I didn’t give up. Eventually, he said, "Maybe something like that happened." Hearing that, I insisted, "Then apologize." That took an enormous amount of time, too. He resisted apologizing. Then he said, "I’m sorry for that... but since we’re getting a divorce anyway, none of it matters anymore." I realized he was probably furious that he had to yield to a woman he looked down upon. Bringing up divorce was another one of his usual tactics, and I was completely immune to it by then. I didn't engage. I was utterly exhausted from constantly catering to a man’s moods. Both at home and in the outside world, I am thoroughly fed up with needy, petulant men. I honestly wish they would just vanish. However, I want to make one thing clear: there *are* broad-minded men out there who truly respect people. They exist everywhere—the husbands of my mom friends, bosses, male relatives, and my own friends. Today, we had a discussion. Right now, I’m in the middle of learning a new job. My boss at work is caring, but strict. Sometimes it saddens me that I’m still being corrected at my age. I feel like I'm on the verge of giving in to my own weaknesses. And amidst all this, my husband is spreading his bad mood all over the house. I want to learn and focus on my work with as little stress as possible, so I started the conversation for my own sake. When he was changing jobs in the past, I helped him prep for interviews and gave him feedback on his resume. When the kids were small, every time he took a certification exam, I took them out for the weekend—and I remember seeing only other fathers with their kids out there. Yet, he doesn't support my work. Far from supporting me, every time I start a new job, he sabotages me without fail. I lost count of how many times he’s done this. He never changes. He believes that if I neglect housework, I shouldn't be working. From an economic rationality standpoint, he questions why I should try to reach a position where I compete with him (as a full-time employee). I spoke up. He can find endless faults with my housework. But I told him it's unfair that I can't criticize his work performance or his arrogant attitude toward others at his workplace. I also told him he has no right to decide my life. (By the way, when the kids were small, a friend once told me, "My kid told me your house is super tidy, so I want to see it!" And my aunt looked at the result of my housework and said, "There isn't a single speck of dust." Even if my mom friends' houses were cluttered or dusty, I felt there was love in them!) I already get it now. Something is wrong with him. When I spoke about him to a clinical psychologist, they casually remarked, "That's emotional abuse (moral harassment). It's common among people in his line of work." A lawyer said the same thing: "Oh, that happens all the time." I *will* get a divorce. But not right now. I want to be certain that I can support myself financially first. I want to establish a solid foundation. So for a while, I will play the long game and stall. I've done everything I could. I consulted various help desks, and I've read countless books—on divorce, secondhand condos, pre-owned houses, side hustles, and more. I even started a tiny reselling business. Now is not the time. I will make sure his assets are properly divided. I am filled with ambition. I am going to be greedy—for my children's sake, too. They are adults now, but I want a home where I can welcome them back. Is this condo the right place for that? That's what I need to evaluate. I refuse to be the only one who loses everything and gets thrown out into the cold. He is the one who should pay the price, not me.