115 Funny One-Liner Jokes to Have You Laughing Out Loud

What a better way to make somebody laugh than a well-timed funny one-liner? That's why we've compiled a list of the best single line jokes split into six distinct categories:

• Short Yet Very Funny
• Clever and Witty Pun-liners
• People related
• Life Situations
• Corny and Silly
• Animal Related (Great for kids!)

From short and snappy lines to clever wordplay, humorous observations about people and life situations, and even some delightfully corny jokes, this compilation of one line humor is designed to bring you laughter and brighten your day.

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Short Yet Funny One Liners

Starting out our collection with what I believe captures the true essence of a "one-liner" joke - quick-witted, snappy lines that are designed to deliver an instant punch of humor.

1. I'm sceptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day, that's a bit of a stretch.
   
2. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
3. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.
4. Blunt pencils are really pointless.
5. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
6. Two wifi engineers got married, the reception was fantastic.
7. The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.
8. The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
9. I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
10. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
    
11. Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.
12. Whiteboards are remarkable.
13. My IQ test results came back, they were negative.
14. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
15. A fish swam into a concrete wall, Dam!
16. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
17. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
18. The guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda was lucky it was a soft drink.
19. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
20. Never trust atoms; they make up everything.

Clever & Witty Pun One Liners

In this category, we've picked a selection of one-liners that blend wordplay and clever puns into funny single line jokes.

21. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.’
    
22. I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.
23. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
25. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
26. The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar, things got a little tense.
27. I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.
28. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
29. Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
30. The world champion tongue twister got arrested, I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.
    
31. Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.
32. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?
33. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
34. Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your type in here!’
35. A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The bartender said, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.’
36. The kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot-for-profit.
37. When I lose the TV controller, it's always hidden in some remote destination.
38. If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
39. The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
40. Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.

Related: Are you a pun lover? Check out our list of funny puns as ranked by our website visitors.

People related One Liners

Next up is our people category, from friends, families and relationships, these witty punchlines that capture the humorous side of human interactions.

41. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.
    
42. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline, she hit the ceiling!
43. A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high, she seemed surprised.
44. The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.
45. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
46. Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her... or something like that.
47. Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first.
48. The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family, it’s that no one runs in your family.
    
49. I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. I call it insta-gram.
50. Why did the parents not like their son’s biology teacher? He had skeletons in his closet.
51. I spent a lot of time, money and effort childproofing my house... but the kids still get in.
52. My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. She said she didn’t feel a thing!
53. Women should not have children after 35, really, 35 children are enough.
54. There are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can't.
55. You are such a good friend that, if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket, I'd miss you so much and talk about you fondly to everybody who asked.

One Liners About Life Situations

These funny one-liners are more related to day-to-day situations, whether it's navigating the challenges of work, juggling responsibilities, or simply everyday life situations.

56. I always take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
    
57. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
58. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’
59. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
60. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
61. I never knew what happiness was until I got married—and then it was too late.
62. A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper.
63. The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.
    
64. You’ll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully and lie about your age.
65. How can you tell you’re getting old? When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
66. Winter: the season when we try to keep the house as hot as it was in the summer, when we complained about the heat.
67. Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
68. It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.
69. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
70. If supermarkets are lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet?

Corny & Silly One Liners

Time for some light-hearted cheesy style one-liners, these silly lines are picked release that inner groaner with you!

71. I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society, I spilled the beans.
    
72. I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
73. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
74. Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.
75. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
76. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
77. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
78. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity - it’s impossible to put down.
79. Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.
80. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
81. A book fell on my head the other day, I only have my shelf to blame.
82. A blind man walked into a bar... and a table... and a chair...
83. I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.
84. What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink? A cab.
85. I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex - he’s a small arms dealer.
    
86. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
87. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated, he’s all right now.
88. I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I know live in constant fear.
89. How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.
90. The claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a little more space.
91. What do you call a steak that’s been knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.
92. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
93. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
94. Feeling pretty proud of myself. The puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.
95. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
96. If supermarkets are lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet?
97. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
98. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but checks when you say the paint is wet?
99. When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember The fire department usually uses water.
100. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

Related: Looking for more cheesy humour? Check out our list of Corny Jokes

Animal One Liners (Perfect For Kids)

Aimed more for children - nothing beats the charm and laughs produced from jokes about our furry animal friends! Enjoy the end of our list with these final few funny one-liners related to animals.

101. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was stuffed.
     
102. I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass.
103. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.
104. One of the cows didn’t produce milk today - it was an udder failure.
105. What’s a dog’s favorite homework assignment? A lab report.
106. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
107. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet.
108. What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.
     
109. The cat who ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens.
110. The racing snail that got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
111. The veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? It’s part of an anti-litter campaign.
112. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
113. Life's like a bird. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head.
114. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
115. Elephants dont use computers, because they're afraid of the mouse!

Other funny pages

If you've made it this far then perhaps you are craving more fun content? Check out our list of Seriously Funny Jokes or have a laugh with our List of Funny Sayings