【Live with Manic depression】I'll stop the divorce①Overflowing vessel（Almost free🆓Only a part is charged🈶）

I decided to write this article because I continued to write a note for about 2 months, and I had a lot of experiences that were encouraged by the articles of many noters.

Also, thankfully, the fact that there are more than 300 followers and the fact that we have received various courage from those who send warm words in the comments is a great boost.

I'm sorry in the article, but once again, I would like to express my gratitude to everyone in the note, thank you.

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My family is a family of five, me, my husband, and three boys.
The eldest son has developmental bumps of ADHD, the second son is stereotyped, and the third son has not been diagnosed, but he has characteristics that he will get ADHD if diagnosed.

From around the age of 11, when the eldest son reached puberty, the relationship between the husband and the eldest son became bad, and the husband finally began to beat the eldest son.
At first, the husband started to speak harshly.
My husband's rant gradually became unbearable to listen to, and he began to hit and kick not only with words.
This is abuse, and I'm scared.

Then I decide to divorce. However, I have manic depression, and I can't make up my mind. Finally, I was depressed and took a leave of absence from work, and literally "collapsed".
In this case, I seriously thought about whether I could protect my sons when I was divorced.

So I wrote this article.

I decided to divorce for the time being, and sorted out my mind while looking at myself in the world of note.
As a result, I decided not to divorce.

In that way, I was spending my time organizing my mind with a vague "determination" in my heart…

I noticed that the relationship between my husband and my eldest son was improving.
It means that I stopped hitting (probably).

Half of it is my power (effect).
Three-eighths is the effort of the eldest son,
The rest is my husband's efforts.

As long as my husband doesn't hit my son, my motivation for divorce will be gone.

Therefore, I decided to stop the divorce.　

The decision to divorce is one of the reasons for the depression and leave of absence from this manic transfer.
It is very meaningful for me in the future to organize from the time I decided to divorce until I quit,after returning to work in mid-March, I decided to put a kick on my feelings exactly and have an axis that does not waver, so I decided to summarize it.

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A family make-up
I ... elementary school teacher
Husband ... a man with old ideas, office worker.Beating children with children's discipline
The eldest son ... ADHD who loves baseball
The second son ... good at stereotyped development and caring
The youngest child ... Suspected of restless ADHD

Opportunity

I started thinking about the option of divorce three years ago.
It was because the violence against the husband's sons became more serious.

It was a time when the work style was significantly reviewed due to the Corona disaster, and remote work began to be forced.

On the other hand, the school I work for was one of the few elementary schools that began to start the GIGA school concept first, so teachers went to school and created online assignments for children, made print assignments, and went to work as usual.

At that time, both of the eldest sons were elementary school and the youngest was in the infant class.

The youngest child was able to be entrusted to the nursery school, but the school of the two older brothers was only instructed to do assignments, there was no online, and they couldn't go out every day, so they had to stay at home.

It's about that time.

Accumulating stress

For my husband, who had been working at the company every morning to night, the life of children at home all day must have been a completely unknown world. At this time, it is normal for office workers to go to work, and the style of remote work is a time (era) that most people did not know.

For such a husband, the first "remote work" seems to have been a terrible stress.

On the contrary, I was even envious that if "not going to work = being able to stay at home", it would be nice to be able to do small housework. Because I can do a little housework when I go to the bathroom and drink tea.

For example, take in dry laundry while having lunch. Cleaning the room while going to the bathroom. Children's things, snacks, preparation for learning, and talking to them.

Remote work, （which can't be entrusted to a nursery school and have to take care of children together, is indeed a lot of work）, but I was envious that it was a really lucky world to be able to work while staying at home.

For that reason, I asked my husband for "what I think I can do if I'm remote".

That was the beginning of the mistake.

For my husband, who is stressed just because his children are at home, it was natural for me to increase the number of housework tasks. ( Because I'm writing now, I'm able to notice my husband's stress)
The husband became more and more annoyed on a daily basis, and the way he spoke to his children became harder, and he immediately started yelling.

To change the appointment

The corona disaster has gradually subsided, and the school at my workplace has become the same as before.Events have been reduced in various ways, but it is a normal school where all children go to school every day.

My sons' schools were in the same situation.That's how we reached the end of the school year.
My youngest child is only 3 years old and has to be taken care of, but I was transferred to a place where it takes an hour to commute.
The husband continues to have a remote style.

Therefore, the burden of housework and childcare for the remote husband inevitably shifted from me to my husband.

The stress that had been accumulating little by little but surely, the water in my husband's bowl, finally overflowed.

That's an unforgettable Friday.
It's the day of the gymnastics class for my two older brothers.